Arts & Entertainment

Berry awards Bake-Off prize to herself

MARY Berry last night declared herself the winner of The Great British Bake-Off.

UKIP to make Star Trek movie

UKIP is to use its election war chest to produce a Star Trek film about the failure of galactic multi-culturalism.

People who claim to have watched Twin Peaks mostly lying

MOST people claiming to have seen the original Twin Peaks series are not telling the truth, it has emerged.

Candy Crush Norse saga discovered

THE original Norse legend upon which the Candy Crush Saga is based has been unearthed by archaeologists.

Every song in Top 40 about arses

THE UK chart is entirely composed of tracks about buttocks, it has emerged.

Affleck insists it’s okay for him to make-up stuff about Muslims

BEN Affleck has revealed it is okay to invent behaviour by Muslims as long as it is part of a serious film.

Glastonbury cynicism wears out in 30 minutes

COMMENTS about how rubbish Glastonbury is wore thin 30 minutes after tickets went on sale, it has been confirmed.

Councils didn’t realise they could remove Banksys

BANKSY artworks are being removed by councils who had no idea they were allowed to just paint over them.