Arts & Entertainment

16-year-old rapper writes song about giving up his life of crime

TEENAGE rapper Wayne Hayes has penned a song about how he is leaving behind his life of crime, it has emerged.

Gallery visit sparks lifelong hatred of culture

A TEENAGER has vowed to shun anything of artistic value for the rest of his life.

Failed musician wants you to know how amazing settling down is

SETTLING down with kids and a mortgage is an incredible achievement that surpasses anything else, according to a man whose other plans failed.

Weekend without festival to be highlight of the summer

A MAN is hugely anticipating a weekend in July when he will be able to stay at home and not attend a music festival, it has emerged.

Queen fan suddenly realises they were bollocks

A FAN of Queen has realised that everything about the band is ridiculous.

Star Wars trailer heralds start of nerd mating season

THE mating season for nerds has begun early with the release of the new Star Wars trailer.

Archers writers encouraged to kill them all

THE writers of Radio 4 drama The Archers have been urged to kill off the entire village in an orgy of random violence.

BBC to use working class actors by 2026

THE BBC has unveiled an ambitious timetable to begin using actors who did not go to public school.