Arts & Entertainment

Every song in Top 40 about arses

THE UK chart is entirely composed of tracks about buttocks, it has emerged.

Affleck insists it’s okay for him to make-up stuff about Muslims

BEN Affleck has revealed it is okay to invent behaviour by Muslims as long as it is part of a serious film.

Glastonbury cynicism wears out in 30 minutes

COMMENTS about how rubbish Glastonbury is wore thin 30 minutes after tickets went on sale, it has been confirmed.

Councils didn’t realise they could remove Banksys

BANKSY artworks are being removed by councils who had no idea they were allowed to just paint over them.

Mark E Smith closing in on escaped Fall member

THE Fall frontman Mark E Smith is close to recapturing an escaped bass guitarist who has been on the run for several days.

FIFA 15 knows which players are secretly gay

THE new FIFA game is so realistic that it knows if players are smokers, drug addicts or closeted homosexuals.

Claiming to like Aphex Twin makes comeback

MUSIC fans are pretending to enjoy the challenging electronica of Aphex Twin for the first time since the 1990s.

Original ideas banned

ALL creative works must now be based on something else, it has been announced.