Arts & Entertainment

Cameron and Osborne 'in charge of Oscar envelopes'

DAVID Cameron and George Osborne were in charge of putting the names of Oscar winners in the right envelopes, it has emerged.

Grown-up momentarily gives a f**k about Oscar bullshit

AN ADULT human has scolded herself after spending almost 30 seconds giving a fuck about some bullshit that happened at the Oscars.

Who needs Bowie when we have Ed Sheeran? asks younger generation

TEENAGERS have declared themselves privileged to live in the golden age of music represented by flame-haired genius Ed Sheeran.

New BBC Scotland channel to show English programmes with derisive Scottish commentary

A NEW BBC Scotland channel will show English period dramas with voiceovers from Scottish people calling everyone ‘bawbags’.

Man has amazing ability to know all new music is shit without listening to it

A MAN instinctively knows that all music made since about 2002 is shit without even having to hear it, he has revealed.

Name one of our songs, Coldplay challenge audience

PLATINUM-SELLING band Coldplay challenged 40,000 fans attending a concert to name just one of their hit songs.

Hipster coffee shop worker fired for playing Lighthouse Family

A BARISTA at a fashionable urban cafe has been sacked for playing The Lighthouse Family.

Adults who read books for kids excited again

ADULTS who only read books for children are thrilled at the announcement of a new trilogy by His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman.