Arts & Entertainment

No, Grim Reaper told

DEATH has been told it is not allowed to take Sir Terry Pratchett until an investigation is held.

Fantasy novel not part of a trilogy

THE fantasy-reading community has been left confused by a tale of noble houses, war and dragons that concludes in one volume.

Original ‘hat bellend’ to sue Pharrell

JAY Kay from Jamiroquai is to sue Pharrell for copying his ‘overconfident bellend in a massive hat’ brand.

Self-portraits ‘fuelling narcissism’

SELF-PORTRAITS by artists including Rembrandt and Van Gogh are to be banned from the National Gallery for encouraging mindless vanity.

This Morning reluctantly scraps guide to auto-erotic asphyxiation

PHILLIP Schofield has confirmed that This Morning has shelved a segment on increasing sexual excitement by restricting the flow of oxygen to the brain.

Poor sci-fi films are marketing campaign for Star Wars

RECENT poor quality science fiction films were created to make the new Star Wars seem incredible, it has emerged.

Eurovision entrants picked as if for jury service

BRITAIN'S Eurovision entrants received a summons letter forcing them to perform, it has emerged.

Crowd not bothered about second encore

FANS attending a Wombats gig have half-heartedly requested the band return a second time while checking their phones.