Arts & Entertainment

45-year-old salesman apologises for closing ceremony

WAYNE Hayes, a middle-aged sales executive from Carlisle, has apologised for the Olympics closing ceremony beamed directly from his brain.

The Daily Mash's Edinburgh Festival highlights

A BRIEF 'best of' guide to the bewildering orgy of self-indulgence happening in Scotland.

1.26 million demonstrate against Olympics takeover of BBC Three

A MASS demonstration by BBC Three viewers has protested against programmes including Sun, Sea and Suspicious Parents being replaced by Olympics coverage.

The Hobbit to be split into three films, four albums, five tea towels and a key ring

DIRECTOR Peter Jackson has announced plans to tell the story of The Hobbit across a variety of media including chinaware.

Queen becomes new face of Iceland

QUEEN Elizabeth II has been unveiled as the new face of frozen food retailer Iceland.

Danny Boyle to direct world-closing ceremony

TRAINSPOTTING director Danny Boyle is to helm the closing ceremony to mark the end of the world, with Paul McCartney headlining.

BBC to launch Trevor Nelson button

TREVOR Nelson is to be offered as a permanent commentary option for all BBC programmes.

2000AD editor charged with mind-tapping

THARG, the Betelgeusian editor of sci-fi comic 2000AD, has been arrested for using his alien mind powers to get stories.