Arts & Entertainment
EASTENDERS is to become yet more unrealistic with the return of Ian Beale as a Jamaican-style gangster.
PEOPLE taking their children to music festivals are going to get exactly what they deserve, it has emerged.
FORMER Take That singer Gary Barlow has headlined Stonehenge's annual celebrations in honour of the ancient Earth Goddess.
THE next game in the Hitman series will feature realistic female characters that look like girls you might see on the bus.
MALES are deeply confused by a new sort of pornography that is both for women and made of words.
BRAVE, the new Pixar film set in Scotland, has invented a type of Scottish person which does not and will never exist.
THE BBC is to put the entire Manchester district of Salford on castors and wheel it into the capital, it has emerged.
THE opening ceremony for the Olympic games will include a pile of tractor parts and a man with large hands glaring at everyone, it has been revealed.