Arts & Entertainment

NME to become a free sachet of hair gel

THE NME is to broaden its appeal by becoming a free sample of hair gel.

Love Island renamed F**knut Peninsula

ITV reality show Love Island is to be retitled F**knut Peninsula for the remainder of the current series.

Security unable to stop thousands breaking out of Wireless Festival

SECURITY staff at Wireless Festival were overwhelmed by crowds fleeing the likes of David Guetta and Nicki Minaj.

London to have its own national anthem

LONDON is to have its own national anthem to mark its status as an entirely separate place from England.

Band wins recording contract for bits of songs

A LOCAL band has won a recording contract for an album of unfinished songs, ‘jam sessions’ and Led Zeppelin riffs.

Getting wasted in tent declared highlight of Glastonbury

THE best thing at Glastonbury was getting smashed in your tent, it has emerged.

Dalai Lama can't wait to pay £12 for Glastonbury cheeseburger

THE Dalai Lama is looking forward to his weekend at the anti-capitalist Glastonbury Festival where organic burgers are just £12.

Dursleys hated Harry Potter because he was a jumped-up little sod

THE Dursley family despised Harry Potter because he was a snotty brat who reckoned he was God's gift to magic, it has emerged.