Arts & Entertainment

Football Manager not real

THE Football Manager games depict fictional events with no bearing on reality, it has been confirmed.

BBC4 canal boat programme contains subliminal gay porn

SPLIT-SECOND frames of hardcore gay pornography were spliced into BBC4’s All Aboard! The Canal Boat Trip.

Every f**ker on TV and radio just trying to get a rise out of you

EVERYONE on television and radio is just some fucker trying to get you all worked up.

The McConaissance gives way to the McAge of Enlightenment

THE reinvention of Matthew McConaughey's acting career has entered a period of philosophic upheaval and rational, scientific debate.

Machine getting sick of carrying Florence

THE machine from Florence + the Machine is getting tired of doing all the work, it has revealed.

We get that f**king vinyl is back, says everyone

EVERYONE is now fully aware of vinyl’s resurgence and would prefer to hear no more about it, it has been confirmed.

Humanity warned against reacting to Madonna kiss

ANYONE with an opinion about Madonna’s behaviour is playing into the hands of society’s evil puppet masters, it has been claimed.

Everything in world has been made into a musical

THE West End is set to close after the last original topic for a musical was made into a musical, producers have confirmed.