Arts & Entertainment

Eurovision entrants picked as if for jury service

BRITAIN'S Eurovision entrants received a summons letter forcing them to perform, it has emerged.

Crowd not bothered about second encore

FANS attending a Wombats gig have half-heartedly requested the band return a second time while checking their phones.

‘World Book Day’ sees every child dressed as film character

EVERY child who dressed up for ‘World Book Day’ was just a character from a popular film.

Venues must set tickets aside for weird people

NIGHTCLUBS must now reserve five per cent of their tickets for strange social misfits.

Daniel Craig to be first white Shaft

BOOKIES have announced that Daniel Craig is odds on to become the first white actor to portray John Shaft.

Dyer wedding to end in formulaic revenge drama

THE wedding of actor Danny Dyer will end with his wife being kidnapped by rival gangsters, it has been confirmed.

Cliff raid inspires f**king awful song

THE police raid on Sir Cliff Richard’s house has inspired him to write yet another mawkish dirge.

Bitter woman turns friend’s break-up into hateful best-seller

A WOMAN has turned eight years of incessant bitching about her friend's partner into a best-selling book.