Arts & Entertainment

Middle-aged velociraptors remembering the Jurassic Park good times

THE release of Jurassic World has seen middle-aged bespectacled velociraptors reminiscing about starring in its predecessor.

Children told they will watch The Clangers and like it

PARENTS have ordered their children to love the new series of The Clangers or find somewhere else to live.

Londoners reveling in all the things they can’t afford to do this weekend

AVERAGE Londoners are excitedly looking forward to missing a host of cultural events in the capital.

Cowell’s Ultimate DJ attracts ultimate bellends

THE world’s biggest bellends are flocking to audition for Simon Cowell’s DJ talent show.

My work has a profound existentialist subtext, says BGT dog

THE performing dog that won Britain’s Got Talent has described how his work grapples with complex themes such as the illusory nature of reality.

New Bond novel just string of sexual harassment suits

NEW James Bond book Trigger Mortis sees the ageing spy in court for more than 22 cases of sexual harassment in the workplace.

Families furious at disappointing Game of Thrones fun day

DOZENS of angry parents have complained about a badly organised Game of Thrones fun day.

Watching Eurovision ironically is still watching Eurovision, say experts

THE British public have been warned that watching the Eurovision Song Contest to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian.