Arts & Entertainment

Page 3 to end as Britain runs out of breasts

THE SUN is to end its topless Page 3 feature because the UK’s supply of tits has been exhausted.

New app makes it easy to discover shit music

AN app has been launched that will make it easier to discover brand new, terrible music.

Gig prices reduced based on number of songs from new album

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

Pop-reggae thirst quenched for another 20 years

FOLLOWING the summer hit Rude by MAGIC!, music listeners have confirmed they are good for pop-reggae songs until the year 2034.

‘Piss off, you hipster git’ says Mary Berry

BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.

Kate Bush to lead audience away like a pied piper

KATE Bush is to lure her audience away from London to a place from which they will never return.

Reading Festival charging £10 for bottle of throwing urine

MUSIC fans say high prices at Reading are making it impossible to shower acts in urine.