Arts & Entertainment
Cowell To Launch 'Britain's Got Rage'
SIMON Cowell last night unveiled plans for a new television format showcasing the best of Britain's amateur rage.
Cowell Makes Olly Wear Joe's Lovely Skin
SIMON Cowell has removed X Factor winner Joe McElderry's skin and stitched Olly Murs into it to create a perfect hybrid of looks and likeability.
Avatar 'Greatest Ever Film With Blue Pretend Cat People'
DIRECTOR James Cameron last night insisted his trillion-dollar epic Avatar 'will set a new standard for films with colourful cat people made by computers'.
ITV To Launch Celebrity Spanish Inquisition
ITV has unveiled plans for a new reality TV show based on the most nauseating atrocities of the Spanish Inquisition.
Drum Machine Goes Solo
FORMER Echo and The Bunnymen drum machine DR670 has announced its plans to release a solo album.
BBC To Run All It's Jokes Past Jethro
NEW BBC editorial guidelines state that all jokes must be cleared by Jethro, Cornwall's leading comedy exponent and pasty enthusiast.
Iraqi Insurgents Launch Boy Band
AFTER failing to capture the West's attention by blowing things up, Iraq's insurgents have launched a boy band in a bid to boost their profile.
Plinth Art Project To Continue In Swindon Lapdancing Club
THE manager of a Swindon table dancing club last night offered members of the public the chance to express themselves on a plinth, especially if they have big tits.