Arts & Entertainment

Elbow to demoralise Britain's olympic rivals

MUSICAL mirth hoovers Elbow have been asked to compose a sonic weapon for the 2012 Olympic Games, it has emerged.

John Peel’s tomb discovered

ARCHAEOLOGISTS have located what they believe is the fabulous tomb of the late John Peel.

Britain prepared to forgive Grant for his films

HUGH Grant could be forgiven for his entire career if he carries on like this, experts have claimed.

Danny Dyer to star as Dr Who

THE upcoming Doctor Who movie will portray the timelord as a cheeky cockney rogue.

Britain not cleverer than Simon Cowell

MILLIONS of X Factor conspiracy theorists have convinced themselves they are cleverer than Simon Cowell, thus proving the opposite.

Anger as Thatcher depicted without her fangs

A CAMPAIGN has been launched to boycott the new Margaret Thatcher biopic after producers omitted the former prime minister's trademark fangs.

Panto season 'to be least enjoyable yet'

THIS year's pantomimes will somehow have even less entertainment value than previous offerings, producers have promised.

Resurrected Who drummer tells everyone to calm down

KEITH Moon has hurtled out of the grave driving a Panzer tank to ask what this Frankie Cocozza nonsense is about, it emerged last night.