Arts & Entertainment

Radiohead album to be based on Osborne statement

MISERY-vending prog sulkers Radiohead will use George Osborne's autumn statement as the lyrics for their new album.

Ken Russell funeral banned by the BBFC

KEN Russell's funeral will need major cuts, according to the British Board of Funeral Classification.

Elbow to demoralise Britain's olympic rivals

MUSICAL mirth hoovers Elbow have been asked to compose a sonic weapon for the 2012 Olympic Games, it has emerged.

John Peel’s tomb discovered

ARCHAEOLOGISTS have located what they believe is the fabulous tomb of the late John Peel.

Britain prepared to forgive Grant for his films

HUGH Grant could be forgiven for his entire career if he carries on like this, experts have claimed.

Danny Dyer to star as Dr Who

THE upcoming Doctor Who movie will portray the timelord as a cheeky cockney rogue.

Britain not cleverer than Simon Cowell

MILLIONS of X Factor conspiracy theorists have convinced themselves they are cleverer than Simon Cowell, thus proving the opposite.

Anger as Thatcher depicted without her fangs

A CAMPAIGN has been launched to boycott the new Margaret Thatcher biopic after producers omitted the former prime minister's trademark fangs.