Arts & Entertainment

Pop 'lesbians' to face bull dyke challenge

FEMALE recording artists who claim to have raunchy lesbian tendencies must spend a night locked in with a minotaur-like 'diesel dyke', it has been announced.

Steve Davis to make prog rock sexy again

LITHE snooker legend Steve Davis's new BBC radio show is going to put the sexy back into progressive rock music, it was claimed last night.

Cowell replaced by ageing, embittered drag queen

ITV's Shit Factor will return later this year with Simon Cowell being replaced by a contemptuous showbiz failure.

Super-injunction to ban promotion of films

A LEGAL move is being made to keep 95% of new films a secret.

Adele created by 'shit women go on about' brainstorming session

RECORDING phenomenon Adele is the result of some men writing a list of woman-friendly things on a whiteboard, it has emerged.

Mario and Luigi not actually brothers but do live together

MOUSTACHIOED adventurers Mario and Luigi are not related but they do have a special bond, it has emerged.

BBC to make startling documentary about your unnecessary children

THE BBC natural history unit is to make a ground-breaking series about the consequences of your unsustainable breeding.

Film stupider than audience

ACTION-fantasy tripe bucket Sucker Punch has made idiots feel cleverer than something.