Arts & Entertainment

33 year-old man has genuinely high expectations of Tron: Legacy

SALES executive Tom Logan is genuinely looking forward to seeing Tron: Legacy, it emerged last night.

Millions protest over ban on Aguilera's glory hole

ITV has been bombarded by angry viewers demanding to know why they were not allowed to see Christine Aguilera's holiest of holies.

Dave Gilmour to write 48-hour long rock opera about cenotaphs

PINK Floyd legend Dave Gilmour is to explore his son's defilement of the cenotaph with a rock opera that will last for about two days.

Charles and Camilla attacked by anti-Variety Performance activists

PRINCE Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall were badly shaken last night after their car was attacked by masked thugs, violently opposed to the Royal Variety Performance.

Forsyth cracks America

IN a last minute change, CNN has ditched trainee journalist Piers Morgan in favour of Bruce Forsyth.

Smiths Records Played Backwards Urge Listeners To Vote Tory

CLASSIC Smiths albums like Meat is Murder contain hidden pro-Tory messages only audible when the vinyl is played backwards, it was claimed last night.

Jackson Unveils 'Blaxsploitation' Hobbit

PETER Jackson's latest Tolkien blockbuster will portray Bilbo Baggins as a black hobbit hustler who needs to score some serious treasure to pay off his debts.

We Actually Think Wagner Is Pretty Good, Say People Who Voted For Him

THE overwhelming popularity of Wagner may be due to millions of people thinking he is brilliant, it was confirmed last night.