Arts & Entertainment

New Bond film to involve large amounts of paperwork

THE latest James Bond film will feature unprecedented levels of admin, according to its makers.

Cowell pins hopes on X Factor human centipede

SIMON Cowell hopes to revive the embattled X Factor by stitching the contestants together into a 'single entertainment organism'

Shakespeare was an alien, says Emmerich

ROLAND Emmerich says his new film will prove that William Shakespeare was a 300-foot alien.

No Q Awards footage before watershed, say parents

BROADCASTERS have been attacked for showing graphic scenes of Bono while children could be watching.

Lohan imprisonment to be shown on adult channel

ONANISTS around the world will be able to watch Lindsay Lohan's time in remand via $5-per-minute TV, a court has ruled.

Stone Roses confirm gig cancellations

MANCHESTER t-shirt vendors The Stone Roses are to reform for a new series of concerts they won't turn up to.


Games company unveils Passive Aggressive Birds

GAMES developer Rovio Mobile has announced the latest, more subtle, addition to its hugely popular Angry Birds franchise.

BBC2 replaced by squirrel with huge genitals

THE BBC is to replace much of its programming with footage of a strikingly well-endowed squirrel, it has been announced.