Arts & Entertainment

ITV Agrees To Final Daybreak Viewer's Demand For Lizard Wrestling

CHRISTINE Bleakley is to wrestle a Komodo dragon on live television, at the specific request of the sole remaining viewer of  Daybreak.

Take That Concerts Leave Fans Uncertain Whether Or Not They Were Sold Fake Tickets

THOUSANDS of thirtysomething females have been left wondering whether they just saw Take That in concert, or a bunch of singing plasterers.

BBC Pledges Most Utterly Hellish Eastenders Christmas Ever

THIS year's Eastenders Christmas will set new standards in unbearably hellish festive grimness, the BBC has promised.

ITV To Apologise To Essex Using A Sad Face And Some Boobs

THE broadcaster of The Only Way Is Essex is to apologise to the county's residents using pictures of things they recognise.

Cowell To Last As Long As The Universe

SIMON Cowell will last as long as the universe contains beings with television sets and money, it was confirmed yesterday.

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Circle Of Life, Says Elton John

POP music all sounds the same these days, the singer of Goodbye Candle in the Road claimed last night.

BBC To Replace Moyles With Six Month-Old Baby

THE Radio One breakfast show is to be hosted by a six month old baby, the BBC has confirmed.

Pope Congratulates Infected Porn Stars

POPE Benedict XVI has congratulated porn stars infected with HIV for their principled refusal to wear condoms.