Arts & Entertainment

Bono to do a shit in your sock drawer

CONCEITED rocker Bono has announced plans for a free gift of a turd among your socks.

EastEnders to get a UKIP family

BBC SOAP EastEnders has introduced a new family who all support UKIP.

Pharrell 'obsessed with BBC'

PHARRELL has watched at least ten hours of BBC output a day since 1982, he has revealed.

Berry awards Bake-Off prize to herself

MARY Berry last night declared herself the winner of The Great British Bake-Off.

UKIP to make Star Trek movie

UKIP is to use its election war chest to produce a Star Trek film about the failure of galactic multi-culturalism.

People who claim to have watched Twin Peaks mostly lying

MOST people claiming to have seen the original Twin Peaks series are not telling the truth, it has emerged.

Candy Crush Norse saga discovered

THE original Norse legend upon which the Candy Crush Saga is based has been unearthed by archaeologists.

Every song in Top 40 about arses

THE UK chart is entirely composed of tracks about buttocks, it has emerged.