Arts & Entertainment

Failed musician wants you to know how amazing settling down is

SETTLING down with kids and a mortgage is an incredible achievement that surpasses anything else, according to a man whose other plans failed.

Weekend without festival to be highlight of the summer

A MAN is hugely anticipating a weekend in July when he will be able to stay at home and not attend a music festival, it has emerged.

Queen fan suddenly realises they were bollocks

A FAN of Queen has realised that everything about the band is ridiculous.

Star Wars trailer heralds start of nerd mating season

THE mating season for nerds has begun early with the release of the trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One.

Archers writers encouraged to kill them all

THE writers of Radio 4 drama The Archers have been urged to kill off the entire village in an orgy of random violence.

BBC to use working class actors by 2026

THE BBC has unveiled an ambitious timetable to begin using actors who did not go to public school.

Most people wondering why Batman would possibly be against Superman

THE title of the film Batman v Superman makes absolutely no sense to most people, it has been confirmed.

The Night Manager climax leaked by someone who has read the book

THE BBC has been left red-faced after the ending to The Night Manager was revealed by a woman who has read the bestselling novel it is based on.