Arts & Entertainment

X-Men movies finally as incomprehensible as the comics

THE seventh X-Men film is as bewildering and nonsensical as its source material, it has been confirmed.

American boy claims heaven has guns

A FOUR-YEAR-OLD American boy who claims to have visited heaven has confirmed that everyone there was heavily armed.

Dealers prepare bad acid for Glastonbury Metallica set

MORE than 400,000 hits of acid, guaranteed to send people spiralling into the abyss, are being prepared for Metallica's performance at Glastonbury.

BBC says 'f*ck it' and replaces Patten with the Skull Cracker

THE new chairman of the BBC is a violent criminal known as the ‘Skull Cracker’.

94 per cent of DJs called Lee

NEARLY all DJs are called Lee, it has emerged.

Tube drivers demand better daytime TV

UNDERGROUND train drivers have complained about the repetitive nature of daytime television programming.

Good Morning Britain strongly pro-Russian

ITV'S NEW breakfast show has been criticised for its uninspiring set, lacklustre interviews and pro-Russian bias.

Losing weight now a career

BEING famous for losing weight is an acceptable substitute for a modelling, acting or singing career, say minor celebrities.