Arts & Entertainment

Mickey Mouse warns terrorists not to underestimate his power

MICKEY Mouse has delivered a stark warning to terrorists, following the arrest of a gunman at the Magic Kingdom.

Take Me Out contestant suspected of judging on looks

A MALE contestant on last night’s Take Me Out is suspected of choosing his date not on personality but on physical appearance.

New X-Files investigates its own cancellation

THE new series of The X-Files begins by investigating the mysterious reason the show was taken off air in 2002, it has emerged.

Man cannot tell difference between good and bad acting

A MAN is worried that he cannot differentiate between incredible acting performances and ones that are quite poor.

Coffee machine to join heavy metal band

THE coffee machine from a local cafe bar is to join a heavy metal band, it has been confirmed.

Hatton Garden robbers sentenced to watch hellish Danny Dyer film based on their story

THE Hatton Garden jewel thieves have been sentenced to sit through the inevitable British gangster movie based on their heist.

Voodoo Ray confirmed as English National Anthem

THE chanting bit from rave classic Voodoo Ray by A Guy Called Gerald will be sung at international sporting events, it has been confirmed.

Mum and dad admit they both used to fancy David Bowie

A MIDDLE-AGED married couple have admitted that David Bowie was their first mutual crush.