Arts & Entertainment

Thingy from Harry Potter mixed up in some load of bollocks

THINGY who was in Harry Potter is in a mood about some load of bollocks, it has emerged.

Hugh Grant's Love Actually character now a far-right lunatic

HUGH Grant’s politician character from Love Actually is now a raving far-right lunatic who hates immigrants, it has emerged.

Mark E. Smith celebrates 60th birthday with promise to be less mainstream

AS he celebrates his 60th birthday Mark E Smith has pledged to be ‘less mainstream and easy going’.

Man not sure if book is good enough to go in toilet

A MAN is unsure if the humorous travel book he has just read is of a high enough standard to qualify as lavatory reading.

Cameron and Osborne 'in charge of Oscar envelopes'

DAVID Cameron and George Osborne were in charge of putting the names of Oscar winners in the right envelopes, it has emerged.

Grown-up momentarily gives a f**k about Oscar bullshit

AN ADULT human has scolded herself after spending almost 30 seconds giving a fuck about some bullshit that happened at the Oscars.

Who needs Bowie when we have Ed Sheeran? asks younger generation

TEENAGERS have declared themselves privileged to live in the golden age of music represented by flame-haired genius Ed Sheeran.

New BBC Scotland channel to show English programmes with derisive Scottish commentary

A NEW BBC Scotland channel will show English period dramas with voiceovers from Scottish people calling everyone ‘bawbags’.