Arts & Entertainment

Casting begins for '12 Years a Scot'

CASTING has begun for an epic film about the traumatic life of a Scottish person in the early 21st Century.

New Batmobile is pimped-up Vauxhall Corsa

BATMAN'S new car is a pimped Corsa with iridescent blue metallic paint, tinted windows and a 1500-watt Rockford Fosgate sound system.

Page 3 to end as Britain runs out of breasts

THE SUN is to end its topless Page 3 feature because the UK’s supply of tits has been exhausted.

New app makes it easy to discover shit music

AN app has been launched that will make it easier to discover brand new, terrible music.

Gig prices reduced based on number of songs from new album

GIG tickets will be priced according to the number of new songs a performer forces the audience to listen to.

DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

Pop-reggae thirst quenched for another 20 years

FOLLOWING the summer hit Rude by MAGIC!, music listeners have confirmed they are good for pop-reggae songs until the year 2034.

‘Piss off, you hipster git’ says Mary Berry

BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.