Arts & Entertainment

Middle-aged friends instantly regret buying festival tickets

SEVERAL middle-aged friends are regretting buying tickets to a festival this summer.

Man finally admits to fondness for Sting

A MAN has decided to stop hiding his true musical orientation and tell everyone he likes Sting.

Woman who claims to love classical music only knows Game of Thrones theme

A WOMAN who calls herself ‘a big fan’ of classical music only knows the Game of Thrones theme tune, it has emerged.

Why are all our TV programmes so f**king trippy? ask children

CHILDREN have demanded to know why television programmes aimed at them are all incredibly weird.

Marvel to introduce first ever diverse storyline

MARVEL comics is to introduce a diverse storyline where the same old shit doesn't happen.

Jamiroquai now seems okay compared to modern knobheads

JAMIROQUAI now seems alright compared to the many bigger knobs who are around in 2017, it has emerged.

Cultural thing weirdly not in London

A CULTURAL event is unaccountably taking place outside of London, it has emerged.

Sesame Street introduces first paranoid right-wing character

SOCIALLY inclusive children's show Sesame Street is to introduce a paranoid right-wing crab who loves guns, Fox News and internet conspiracies.