Arts & Entertainment

Everyone on poetry circuit a disgruntled secondary school teacher

ALL amateur performance poets are secondary school teachers with an axe to grind, it has emerged.

House burns down less than two miles from cinema showing Fifty Shades of Grey

A HOUSE has burnt down within a 20 minute walk from a cinema where people can watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

Fifty Shades of Grey sparks trend for being blindfolded in the cinema

PEOPLE being dragged to see Fifty Shades of Grey are wearing blindfolds so that they can sleep.

Lovejoy to join Marvel universe

THE Walt Disney Company has acquired the rights to feature roguish antiques dealer Lovejoy in its Marvel Avengers franchise.

New Britflick shows positive side of life of crime

A NEW British film aimed at teenagers will show the glamorous reality of life as a drug-dealer on a council estate.

New Harper Lee book finally explains how to kill mockingbirds

AUTHOR Harper Lee has promised that her new book will contain explicit instructions on how to catch and kill mockingbirds.

Viewers think Wolf Hall is about modern people who dress weirdly

MOST people who watch period drama Wolf Hall think it is about modern-day mentally ill people who dress in colourful tights.

Michelangelo reclassified as heavy metal artist

TWO newly-discovered Michelangelo bronzes of muscular men riding panthers have seen his work embraced by the heavy metal community.