Arts & Entertainment

Original velociraptors to return for Jurassic World 2

THE velociraptors who starred in Jurassic Park will join the cast of the upcoming Jurassic World sequel, they have confirmed.

Woman never realised musicals were that shit

A WOMAN who had never been to a musical before had no idea they were quite so awful, she has admitted.

Crime drama just f**king you about now

A TV crime drama that started off promisingly is now just f**king with viewers for kicks, it has emerged.

This part of Brexit movie will be a montage, says director

BREXIT is currently in the part of the film where nothing will happen for a while so it will all be put together as a montage set to music, it has been confirmed.

Middle-aged friends instantly regret buying festival tickets

SEVERAL middle-aged friends are regretting buying tickets to a festival this summer.

Man finally admits to fondness for Sting

A MAN has decided to stop hiding his true musical orientation and tell everyone he likes Sting.

Woman who claims to love classical music only knows Game of Thrones theme

A WOMAN who calls herself ‘a big fan’ of classical music only knows the Game of Thrones theme tune, it has emerged.

Why are all our TV programmes so f**king trippy? ask children

CHILDREN have demanded to know why television programmes aimed at them are all incredibly weird.