Arts & Entertainment

Television now just naked posh men coming out of lakes

TELEVISION is now just a parade of muscular posh men striding manfully out of lakes, it has been confirmed.

Adele gig confirmed as worst place to be on drugs

AN ADELE concert is absolutely the worst environment in which to take mind-altering drugs, it has been confirmed.

Older criminals sentenced to attend V Festival

CRIMINALS aged over 30 will be sentenced to attend this year’s V Festival, it has been confirmed.

BBC Four to become a weekly talk in a library

BBC FOUR is to become a series of talks with slides in a local library, it has been confirmed.

Pointless now main source of further education in UK

QUIZ show Pointless is now providing a more effective adult education service than any UK college or university.

Sound problems at Grammys caused by poor quality of music

GRAMMY Awards organisers have apologised for sound issues that were caused by the music not being very good.

Craig ‘will stay if Bond is more up himself’

ACTOR Daniel Craig will stay on as James Bond if the fictional spy is made more self-important, he has announced.

Children’s books designed to make adults sound like idiots

CHILDREN’S books are written specifically to make the adults reading them aloud sound like idiots, it has emerged.