Arts & Entertainment

Big Brother Contestants To Get More Bananas And A Rope Swing

BIG Brother contestants are to be given more bananas and a tyre on a rope, Channel 4 said last night.

Television To Be Controlled By 200 Latent Homosexuals

ALL programmes and adverts shown on British television will have to be approved by a committee of 200 latent homosexuals, it was confirmed last night.

Striptease Ad Should Have Been Shown After Work, Say Angry Viewers

THOUSANDS of viewers have contacted the advertising standards watchdog demanding a controversial striptease ad be shown the minute they get home from work.

Knighthoods For Entire Cast Of 'Heartbeat'

THE cast of Yorkshire police drama Heartbeat has topped the bill in this year's Queen's Birthday honours list.

Guy Ritchie To Make Worst Sherlock Holmes Film Ever

GUY Ritchie is to write and direct the worst Sherlock Holmes film in the history of cinema, Warner Bros confirmed last night.

First Apprentice To Sell An Emailer Wins, Says Sugar

THE first contestant who manages to sell an Amstrad Emailer will win The Apprentice, Sir Alan Sugar said last night.

Big Brother Unveils All-Vegetable House

THE producers of Big Brother have once again resisted calls to introduce humans into the house, sticking with the all-vegetable format for the ninth year in a row.

BBC Stars 'Obviously Paid Too Much'

ANY moron can see that Jonathan Ross and Chris Moyles are paid far, far too much, according to a major review of BBC salaries.