Pope Congratulates Infected Porn Stars

POPE Benedict XVI has congratulated porn stars infected with HIV for their principled refusal to wear condoms.

The porn actor's one-way ticket to hell

The Pope said he was proud that committed young people, under pressure from the liberal media establishment, had continued to have unprotected sex for money in front of a video camera.

In his latest Papal encyclical, Benedict said: “The modern world is gripped by many vices but surely there is none so insidious as the immoral pressure placed upon pornographic cinema performers to engage in rubberised sexual intercoursing.

“To sheathe the organ in advance of genitising it into the female beholement is to deny the divine truths upon which our entry into heaven is constructed.

“Praise should be offered unto those who remain true to the pillars of faith when they are being filmed, over and over again, in pursuit of a thunderous ejaculation unfettered by secularism.

“They are truly the naked, thrusting warriors of the one true church.”

The Pontiff added: “All those of the faith who feel troubled by this issue need simply ask themselves – would not Jesus have wanted to see full-on, unrestricted cum shots? I can assure you, he totally would have.”

Vatican theologians have also claimed that in addition to the clear moral imperatives, the liberal media should support unprotected sex in the adult entertainment industry, insisting that porn condoms are a form of censorship.

Julian Cook, professor of comparative theology at Reading University, added: “Pornography has always been a tricky one for the Church. While the Pope is generally opposed to any form of non-reproductive adult-based intercourse, if people are going to do it on camera for money, he would prefer they did it Catholic-style, regardless of any long term impact on their immune system.

“And of course, the Pope’s view is that if they do catch some fatal disease, informing St Peter that it was the direct result of doing it bareback with a woman named Misty should be enough to get them through the door.

“Catholicism is nothing if not logical.”