Pudsey: My winnits hell

14-05-12

THE winner of Britain’s Got Talent has described how he overcame the nightmare of tag-ons to achieve success.

He looks perfectly acceptable from the front

Crossbreed Pudsey triumphed on the ITV talent show with an elaborate dance routine performed to Lalo Schifrin’s theme to Mission Impossible.

However the dog has since revealed he suffers from winnits, also known as clags or danglers, a common complaint among long-coated animals.

Pudsey said: “When you are covered in thick, coarse hair but lack the opposable thumbs necessary to use toilet paper, they are a fact of everyday life.

“Sometimes my owner Ashleigh cuts them off with scissors. But it’s never long before I’ve got another.

“Imagine going out for dinner at a nice restaurant, then realising as you walk in that everyone is staring at your anus. That’s how I was living.

“But expressive dance has given me my dignity back and now I accept poo crumbs as a part of me.”

Pudsey plans to donate half of his £500,000 BGT prize money to the National Clag Centre, a charity working with those plagued by stubborn faeces.

BGT impresario Simon Cowell said: “With this dancing dog we have finally found ‘the level’, the semi-mythical intellectual place at which Britain is truly happy.”

 

 

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