Sky to launch depressing court TV channel

SATELLITE viewers will be able to watch the heartbreakingly banal minutiae of the court system under new laws.

G216-a is about to become a household name

As cameras are allowed into courts, bile-fuelled divorces, petty grievances with small businesses and reckless bankruptcies will be aired for the first time.

Television producer Tom Logan said: “While we’re hoping it opens a window onto an exciting section of public life with dramatic real struggles for justice, we’re fully aware it’ll mostly be middle-aged men with crumbs in their beard asking whether the N16A and Statement Of Claim have been correctly filed in triplicate.

“There may be some excitement as we make viewers wait until after the commercial break to see if consideration of an order of costs has been made, but otherwise it’s pretty much three bored civil servants having an impenetrable conversation in the presence of a couple of sad-eyed members of the public.”

The flagship programme will be Shoplifting UK which will visit a different town each week to chronicle an entire trial, from the moment the bored duty solicitor describes why the sallow-faced defendant legged it from Superdrug with a coat full of disposable razors to the unbearably dramatic moment when the judge orders 10 hours of community service.

Other shows will include Real Life Criminal Damage, Britain’s Most Shocking Minor Assaults and Six Month Driving Ban UK.

Logan added: “I’ve just finished filming an episode of Six Month Driving Ban, which covers the paperwork aftermath of all the exciting stuff you see on stuff like Police, Camera, Action.”