Thousands of bulls audition for last fight

THOUSANDS of bulls have queued outside Barcelona’s ‘La Monumental’ stadium hoping to be selected for the city’s final bullfight.

'I just want to enjoy my visit to Barcelona and hopefully stab one of these fuckers in the stomach'

The bovine wannabees travelled from all parts of Spain, eager to win over the judges and win the ultimate prize of dying on a sawdust floor in front of thousands of baying Catalans.

Ignacio Gonzales, from Cordoba, said: “I’ve been a club fighter all my life, which generally involves me getting glassed in the face every night by a guy in plastic Mickey Mouse ears, but this is the big one. This is my chance to shine.

“It’s been absolute murder getting here. At one stage I even had to negotiate a cattle grid, but it’s all been worth it.”

He added: “The judges told me I chose a great song and that I nailed the matador. I got three ‘Sis’ and am through to the next round.”

The herds of rejected hopefuls included self-proclaimed Andalusian ‘conquistador’ Miguel Juarez, who was told by judges that he was ‘just a bit over the top’ to be successfully killed.

He said; “I’m devastated. It’s every bull’s dream to be wound up something chronic and then stabbed by a fancy man in cape.

“Now I am forced to return to my job in a china shop which, my friends tell me, does not really match my skillset.”