12 Year-Old Boys Back Johnson Airport Plan
BORIS Johnson’s plan to build an artificial island in the Thames and then put an airport on it has been backed by the majority of Britain’s 12 year-old boys.
According to Johnson’s ‘£500 squillion’ plan, the island will be surrounded by laser cannons and thousands of deadly sharks to keep out terrorists and girls.
Passengers will fly through a network of big plastic tubes that will drop them directly into their seat and the runway will slope upwards at the end, just like a proper British aircraft carrier.
The London mayor said: “The departure hall will be filled with tuck shops, penknife boutiques and a place where a chap can swap his old Flashman novels.
“There will be no cauliflower or semolina and horrid girls can fly from smelly old Luton.”
Meanwhile arriving passengers will get an individual jet car which will propel them into the centre of London in less than a minute.
In the event of jet car failure the entire island will be fitted with massive rockets so it can lift off and fly over to Heathrow where passengers can then use the highly efficient 15 minute rail link to Paddington.
Johnson said he had lots of sketches and a really big model made from old yoghurt tubs, Fairy Liquid bottles and bendy straws.
He added: “This is mark II. The original was destroyed during a bouncy knob-knob session with Petronella Wyatt.”