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AIRLINES MISLED PUBLIC BY CLAIMING FLIGHTS WOULD NOT BE FILLED WITH BASTARDS |
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AIRLINES have been accused of misleading the public after claiming short-haul flights would not be full to the brim with fat, slow, noisy bastards.
 The Gathering of the Spastics at Gatwick
The report found that the airlines did not tell customers that 'speedy-boarding' was a 'complete fucking lie' and that passengers would 'crowd around the gate like a herd of spastic sheep regardless of the letter on their boarding pass'.
They also failed to tell passengers that the advertised flght time did not include the mandatory 45 minutes on the tarmac because 'some twat put the wrong fucking bags on the wrong fucking plane' and that Gatwick Airport is the 'single worst fucking place in the whole fucking world'.
The report also found that no matter where your flight was to, there was always one Middle Eastern looking passenger on board, which meant you were 'shitting your pants for the entire journey while at the same time feeling very bad about it'.
"It could be a flight from Inverness to Exeter but there's always a guy who looks like he's just arrived from Riyadh," said one regular flyer.
"I'm sure he's a perfectly nice chap, but would it be too much hassle for him to go up and down the aisle telling everyone, 'it's okay, I'm not going to kill you'?"
The airline industry insisted it had made huge improvements including a reduction in the number of boarding pass checks to 452,943 and slashing the price of a small tub of Pringles to £12.50.
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