Al Qaeda To Rebrand As 'Scimitar3000'
THE world’s leading terror provider is to overhaul its identity in a £20m rebranding strategy.
With an ever increasing number of angry Islamist groups, the Al Qaeda leadership believe ‘Scimitar3000′ will set them apart as, “professional, efficient and profoundly insane”.
Ayman El-Mukhtar, Al Qaeda’s head of marketing, said: “Many people do not now how to pronounce Al Qaeda. We get ‘Al Kayda’ or ‘Al Ka-ee-da’ and one of those annoying little Scotsmen at the BBC insists on ‘Al Kie-da’. It does my bloody head in.
“And even if they pronounce it right they always get the translation wrong. Some think it means ‘The Base’ while others say it means ‘The Head’. I spoke to one guy last week who though it meant ‘The Bongos’.”
He added: “Scimitar3000 is clean and stylish with a high recognition factor. It focus-grouped incredibly well in Peshawar.
“And although it looks hip, it also says we have not lost touch with our roots. It says ‘this a 21st Century killing machine founded on the principles of medieval bloodlust’.”
But the move has angered the organisation’s grass roots. One low level operative in western Europe, said: “We’re having to sell knocked-off iPods to raise enough money for flying lessons and they’re spending £20 million on a letterhead. Sometimes I wonder why I want to blow myself up.”
Wayne Hayes, of London-based brand consultants Conceptomatix, said: “I look at the big sword and I think ‘swoosh!’ It makes me go all wobbly and want to sit down and have a bowl tea and some hubbly-bubbly with a large Afghani tribesman. Super.”