Man gives to charity without going to a f**king ball

SCIENTISTS were shocked to announce the discovery of a man who is capable of giving to charity without attending an exclusive black-tie gala event. 

Nathan Muir, from Hatfield, was found to be giving £40 a month to a range of charities even though researchers were unable to detect any bids for a tennis lesson from Tim Henman.

Dr Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “We detected the charity donation and began monitoring, fully expecting him to don a tuxedo and head to a five-star hotel where he would be lavishly entertained in return for his largesse.

“But instead the money simply left his account by direct debit, for all the world as if a £500-per-head ball with Lee Mack as compere was simply unnecessary.

“He didn’t bid for a pair of Frank Bruno’s boxing gloves. He didn’t bid for a jetskiing session with Duncan Bannatyne. The money went directly to the charity, and if glitz was involved at any stage then it was entirely private.

“However we’re confident that Mr Muir is very much the exception, and that no ordinary man could possibly part with £500 a year without a special event where they get to feel like a big deal in front of women who are being paid to be there.

“That’s established scientific fact.”