Black Friday was in Dante’s Inferno, discover experts

25-11-16

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SCHOLARS have found that Dante’s epic Inferno contained a circle in Hell for Black Friday shoppers.

Aligheri’s classic 14th-century poem about a journey through the underworld details the “lost souls” who “seek the worldly and trample unheeding the spirit” for “a ‘chanted window of five feet to watch their fellow damned cavort.”

Literature Professor Helen Archer said: “Between the circle of the heretics and the region for murderers is one of the darkest parts of Hell, reserved for those willing to shove strangers over to purchase white goods.

“They are punished by queuing in darkness and driving, burning rain, whipped by demons in branded tabards and tortured by whispering that PS4s are only £119.99 at another shop but they’ll have gone by now.

“Dante continues: ‘And eternal is their weeping, their streaming eyes; at the hope of a Lenovo tablet for but a handful of change forever out of reach.

“‘Ah, the agonies they suffer all for no avail, for these same baubles are so often cheaper in other seasons.’”

But Black Friday shopper Wayne Hayes said: “If it’s eternal damnation versus £25 off a Nutribullet Pro 900 then burn baby burn.

“Anyway, the Inferno’s bollocks. I prefer Paradise Lost.

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