BRITAIN BRACED FOR MORE BULLSHIT ARTICLES ABOUT CAPITALISM

WITH more economic bad news on the way, Britain is this week bracing itself for a fresh wave of bullshit newspaper articles about the nature of capitalism.

The Independent is running explicit colour photographs of Sweden on page three

Senior editors at the Guardian and Independent are expected to work through lunch to maintain a steady supply of pieces about hubris, deregulation and why Marx was right all along.

Bill McKay, a media analyst, said: "The Independent has got that fat, speccy guy writing round the clock.

"They're doing a 16 page pull-out on Europe's hottest social democrats and they've sent Janet Street-Porter to Stockholm to find out 'Why Sweden Works'."

Meanwhile at the Guardian, Jonathan Freedland and Polly Toynbee have been ordered to invent 50 brand new excuses for why socialism failed the first time and 50 exciting reasons for why it cannot fail the next time.

Mckay added: "It's only fair they make the most of it given that in a couple of years everything will go back to being exactly the same as it was in every single way."

Tom Logan, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "I've stopped buying Andrex for a few weeks and instead I'm wiping my crack with pages from the New Statesman.

"It's not remotely absorbent but at least I get to smear my dung over Roy Hattersley's big fat face."

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