Britain Facing Somali Pirate Shortage
A BAN on air freight from Somalia could leave Britain facing a chronic shortage of crazy pirates, experts have warned.
Home secretary Theresa May said cargo flights from the former African country would be suspended until further notice after a suspected Arab stuck some gaffer tape to a printer cartridge.
But Professor Tom Logan, head of Somalian export studies at Reading University, said: “If air cargo from Mogadishu is banned Britain could run out of totally mental Somali pirates within two weeks.
“Alternatively orders could be fulfilled via surface mail, but then people will be lucky to get their pirates before Christmas.
“I would not want to be the parent who has to tell their child that Santa must have forgot to leave a psychotic pirate under the tree.”
Crazy pirates replaced dried goat blood as Somalia’s chief export shortly after it stopped being a country in 1997.
Professor Logan added: “Somalia does need to diversify its economy, perhaps by investing in the production of unhinged buccaneers or clinically insane brigands.
“That said, it is still the place to go if you’re after a big lump of concrete that’s full of holes or maybe a fucked-up schoolboy with a massive machine gun who will stand cackling over your bullet-ridden body.
“I do hope Mrs May has thought this through.”