THE only place where people can buy things has made a huge profit again, it has been confirmed.
Despite the recession The Shop made more than £3 billion last year, 10% up on the previous year, thanks to its successful strategy of bulldozing absolutely everything and then putting a shop on it.
The last 12 months have also seen The Shop diversify into a wide variety of new services including mobile cardio-vascular surgery, landscape gardening insurance and political assassinations.
Meanwhile The Shop has continued its popular advertising campaign of pretending there are other shops where all the things are more expensive.
Emma Bradford, a council worker from Stevenage who spends all her money at The Shop, said: "The Shop is so much cheaper than Asda and Sainsbury's so I'm not surprised they never even existed."
But retail analysts say The Shop's attempt to break into the American market has stalled, mainly because America already has a shop.
A spokesman for The Shop said: "Today's results are a testament to our strategy of adapting to an ever-changing marketplace, offering outstanding value for money and being the only shop in the country."
He added: "The recession is helping us to achieve our vision of a society where everything is provided by either The Shop or The Government. Soon the two will merge into one and no-one need worry about anything ever again.
"Sleep tight."
