British Gas bullshit up 24 per cent

THE nauseating bullshit British Gas uses to justify its vicious profiteering leapt 24 per cent last year.

Deputy chairman, Sir Denys Finch Hatton, said: “Thanks to a company-wide efficiency programme we were able to pass some fucking nonsense about wholesale prices on to an additional 270,000 people.

“It is this sort of innovation that keeps our customers loyal as they make the exciting choice between cooking and heating.

“Our PR department is working flat-out to maintain a supply of sickening, weasel-worded statements while pretending to be oh-so-offended every time someone accuses us of being pure evil.”

Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford, added: “Excuse me dear, could you just check to see if I still have toes?”