The Daily Mash - BUY-TO-LET INVESTORS AGE 1,000 YEARS IN FOUR SECONDS

BUY-TO-LET INVESTORS AGE 1,000 YEARS IN FOUR SECONDS

THOUSANDS of buy-to-let investors are ageing 1,000 years in around four seconds after receiving the latest valuations of their rented properties.

Nothing can possibly go wrong

Nikki Hollis, said her husband Tom crumbled to ashes at the breakfast table shortly after opening a letter from his bank.

She said: "He kept telling everyone we were loaded because he'd bought ten flats on the never-never and the daft sods who were wasting their money renting them would make us into millionaires.

"He opened the letter and his face started to crumple. I thought he was crying, but he was getting more and more wrinkled. Then his hair went all long and white, then he was just a skull, and then he was gone.

"Turns out we owe the bank £1.5 million, even after I've given them our house. They say I should go on the game. It's alright for Tom, he's in a jar."

Cathy Smith, 36, said her husband Keith dissolved like 'one of baddies at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark' after taking a phone call from his bank.

"He was laughing at first, saying 'just take the keys and have the bloody flats back, they're more trouble than they're worth'.

"Then they told him they were taking the house and all our savings. Four seconds later he melted into a brown puddle on our lovely John Lewis rug."

She added: "Keith said buy-to-let was perfect for people like us with no knowledge of the property market. Now all I've got left are his teeth."

Bill McKay, 56, a neighbour of the Smiths who had spent four years listening to Keith boasting about how they would soon retire to France, said: "Aha, ha, ha. Aha ha, ha, ha. Aha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha.”

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