Cash-For-Gold Companies A Rip-Off, Says Leprechaun
A LEPRECHAUN has labelled TV cash-for-gold companies a 'rip-off' after receiving just £12.94 for his entire pot.
Green-coated magical mini-man Finnan O'Clackerty was undertaking some minor shoe repairs in his burrow while watching Loose Women, when he saw an advert for Cash-My-Identity-Bracelet.
He said: "Oh to be sure, it did seem very straightforward, and I had no doubt in me mind that a company what advertises on the national telly could be anything other than entirely decent.
"Now 'tis true I was having a minor cash flow problem, what with all the stout and horses and such like, and had even considered help from that lovely Carol Vorderman and her loan consolidatey service."
O'Clackerty said he emptied his pot of gold into a plastic envelope and sent it to the company whose experts valued the entire horde at £12.94, payable in off-license vouchers.
He added: "It wasn't just a pot full of identity bracelets – there was a broach that turns you invisible and a special necklace made by the gnome king that enslaves all living things.
"Come on now, those must have been worth at least a tenner each."
O'Clackerty has subsequently cast a spell on the directors and staff of Cash-My-Identity-Bracelet, turning their tongues into rats' tails, their fingers into adders and rendering them unavailable for comment.
He said: "To be sure, I am a good, if somewhat roguish, leprechaun, and not an evil one like in that straight-to-DVD horror film with Jennifer Aniston. However given the circumstances I felt I was left with no option.
"And as my treasure has still not been returned I may yet be forced to spirit away their firstborns and replace them with bright green piglets.