CBI FINDS EXTRA TWENTY MILLION POOR PEOPLE BEHIND FRIDGE

THE CBI last night warned that the UK economy was far worse off than it thought after it found an extra twenty million poor people behind the fridge.

£150

The employer's organisation made the surprise discovery when bailiffs took away its Maytag Trilogy fridge freezer after it missed three payments in a row.

It then opened a drawer and found a pile of unopened bills and a letter from DFS warning the 12 months interest-free credit period was now at an end.

As a result it has altered its economic forecast from 'I never really wanted the new five series anyway' to 'would anyone like to buy my children?'.

Julian Cook, CBI chief economist, said: "This time last year I did say the worst would be over by now. That was so obviously a joke and it's not my fault if you didn't get it.

"Okay, it may not have sounded like I was joking but that's just my sense of humour. Very deadpan, very Les Dawson.

"Look, how was I supposed to know the collapse of an entire financial system built on lies and fraud would have such far reaching consequences? I'm not a fucking witch doctor."

He added: "Anyway, it's now clear that activity is slowing in all key sectors, with the exception of economic forecasting. I'm really busy right now."

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