The Daily Mash - CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS GO INTO ADMINISTRATION

CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS GO INTO ADMINISTRATION

27-11-08

ADMINISTRATORS were called into cheese and onion crisps last night as the classic flavour became the latest high profile victim of the recession.

What is the point of cheese and onion crisps?

The demise of cheese and onion came at the end of a black day for the British economy which also saw the collapse of conkers, pick'n'mix and a nice pot of tea.

City analysts say cheese and onion was unable to compete in a market filled with radical new flavours including Double Gloucester and red onion, Stilton and shallot, and vintage cheddar and onion chutney.

Bill McKay, head of crisps at Madeley-Finnegan, said: "The thing I'll miss most about cheese and onion is how it masked the stench of stale urine that pervades every inch of this Godforsaken shithole of a country.

"But unfortunately it had begun to look very old fashioned alongside modern British brands such as celebrity cock fights, alco-puke, casual racism and sex with strangers in the back of a Vauxhall Vectra."

He added: "For brands to survive these days they have to adapt. Conkers involved two humans in the same place with no electronic devices.

"And who wants a nice pot of tea when you can pay £1.75 for two square feet of boiling foam?"

Administrators are hopeful that parts of the flavour can be salvaged and have already spoken to Waitrose about incorporating it into a new batch of Hand Smoked Gorgonzola and Vietnamese Chive.