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CHILDHOOD SHOULD BEGIN AT BIRTH, SAYS MINISTER |
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12-12-07 |
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THE government has unveiled its 10 year vision for Britain's children with a pledge that childhood will now begin at birth.
 Children watching Balls yesterday
Balls told MPs: "Let's get back to basics. A traditional British childhood must begin at the point of womb evacuation and not a minute later.
"From that moment on it's strictly Swallows and Amazons with perhaps a hint of Railway Children. The era of Byker Grove is at an end."
Balls also wants primary schools in England and Wales to provide services for adults including an off-licence, a second hand car showroom and a massage suite.
The government's 10 point plan for childhood:
- Titties - then solid food to enable growth (eating to continue throughout childhood).
- Introduction of toys, followed by mild violence towards friends and/or siblings.
- Formal education (to involve listening to the adult at the front of the room and remembering what it is they've said).
- Dropping of testicles and/or development of breasts.
- Football, hockey or chess (for speccy children).
Next week the government is expected to outline its 17-point plan for adulthood. According to Whitehall sources the key elements will include pointless jobs, dreary chain pubs, disastrous sex, grinding depression and easily avoidable nose cancer.
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