Companies prefer to go bankrupt with really good-looking staff
MORE companies are opting for an incredibly attractive bankruptcy, it has emerged.
A survey found that when choosing new staff, employers prefer the sort of people who will ensure the firm’s inevitable failure is one that the average person would want to have sex with.
Amid claims of ‘lookism’ statistics reveal medium-sized company bosses are more interested in a candidate’s appearance than their ability, especially if it leads to a lovely day dream about taking them from behind in a cupboard, even as the bailiffs stack the PCs on a trolley and wheel them into the car park.
Tom Logan, a self-confessed ‘lookist’ who runs some fucking marketing company, said: “As a business leader the country depends on me to generate the wealth we need to get back on our feet, so that’s why I employ lots of 26 year-old blonde women with firm, energetic breasts.
“In any other industry this could be ill-judged but because marketing is all total bullshit anyway, my clients stick with me in the hope that we’ll all go out and get drunk and they’ll get a chance to fuck one of my account executives.
“And yet I still have to pay 50% tax. It’s criminal.”
Roy Hobbs, chairman of Hobbs Engineering, said: “Our structural integrity department is very good looking. I’d even do it with some of the blokes in there.
“Unfortunately we do have a £575 million damages bill because our bridges just will not stop collapsing.
“I do hate to destroy the company founded by grandfather and see all these really fantastic looking people lose their jobs, but I’m sure they’ll be able to find something in pharmaceutical research or railway signalling.”