Credit Card Firms Told To Stop Leaving Horses' Heads Everywhere
CREDIT card firms are facing a crackdown on practices such as leaving a horse's head at the bottom of your bed or killing you and then stuffing you in an oil drum.
After years of bloodshed and sadistic violence the government is now urging the companies to go 'legitimate' by abandoning their brutal methods and investing all their capital in the Las Vegas casino industry.
Consumer affairs minster Kevin Brennan, said: "It's not personal, it's business."
The credit card companies, also known as the 'Five Families', exert a vice-like grip on thousands of British neighbourhoods where they run so-called 'numbers rackets' known as 'Visa Nostra' and 'Mafiacard'.
Each credit card 'family' has a rigid structure. Dozens of 'foot soldiers' report to local bosses or capos who in turn are answerable to the 'underboss'. The underboss and the consigliere or 'corporate lawyer' are the two closest advisers to the capo di tutti capo or 'boss of all bosses'.
Most credit card firms were founded in Naples or Sicily in the late 19th century, often growing out of militant political movements opposed to Italy's corrupt feudal system.
Stephen Malley, professor of financial history at Reading University, said: "These groups soon established their own power structures and it was not long before they moved to Britain and America where they set up as olive oil importers as a front for their complete and utter bastardry."
He added: "In the early days many of them considered going into prostitution or drug dealing, before rejecting them as nowhere near evil enough."
In a letter to Tom Hagen, consigliere to the Barclaycard family, Mr Brennan said: "Now you listen to me, you smooth-talking son-of-a-bitch. I'm gonna lay it on the line for you and your boss and I don't care how many dago guinea wop greaseball goombahs come out of the woodwork."
Mr Hagen replied: "Mr Barclaycard is a man who insists on hearing bad news at once," adding, "I'm German-Irish."