Easily-amused face communication crisis
THE collapse of Clinton Cards could leave the UK’s easily-amused community unable to express its banal thoughts, it has been claimed.
The easily-amused, also known as imbeciles, had been able to communicate greetings, condolences, congratulations and other vital sentiments via Clinton Cards products featuring cloying or irritating images.
But as the embattled chain enters administration, it is feared that they could be plunged into social isolation.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute of Studies said: “Without oversized, elephant-themed Valentine’s day cards, it could prove impossible for imbeciles to begin or sustain romantic relationships.
“This could also have a knock-on effect for the manufacturers of similarly pointless tat such as heart-shaped helium balloons and teddy bears saying ‘I WUV WOO!’”
Wayne Hayes, a plumber with a low amusement threshold, said: “My dad went into hospital this week and I’ve bought a ‘get well soon’ card showing a randy old git chasing a nurse while waving a crutch.
“I rely on Clinton Cards in these times of crisis when you don’t want to risk leaving anything unsaid.”
Easy-amused housewife Emma Bradford said: “I’ve just got a Clinton card featuring a badly drawn cartoon cat saying ‘DON’T have a great birthday… Here’s hoping it’s PURR-FECT!’ I keep looking at it and cracking up, to me it is perfect.
“Other shops’ cards are mostly pictures of 50-style women saying catty things about husbands and wine. I don’t get those, they scare me.”
The failure of Clinton Cards has partly been blamed on the success of e-cards, which enable the user to wish their mum a happy birthday with an animated cartoon cock.