Energy companies to pretend wives were in charge

20-09-11

BRITAIN’S biggest energy providers are to set up ‘wife companies’ to take the blame whenever they are accused of profiteering.

'Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!'

Under the plans, as soon as one of the ‘big six’ comes under investigation by regulator Ofgem, the company’s ‘spouse firm’ will step forward, admit liability and pay the fine.

As early as next month, energy providers like British Gas will ask companies like Vodafone to marry them with an offer of cheap electricity, joint advertising and an elobarate tax avoidance scheme.

When British Gas is inevitably caught trying to murder old people, Vodafone, or ‘Mrs British Gas’, will then hand itself in to Ofgem.

An industry source said: “It’s common practice between human spouses when it comes to things like speeding fines and beating up tramps.

“We just have to be careful that we don’t stray after meeting some company that will do the sort of stuff our spouse firm thinks is dirty and wrong. Like News International or the Royal Bank of Scotland.”

The source added: “Hell hath no fury like a wife company scorned.”

Meanwhile, energy secretary Chris Huhne will today set out his plans to reform the industry, including free electricity for policemen and judges.

 

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