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	<title>The Daily Mash &#187; Business</title>
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		<title>Apple fans queue overnight for tax avoidance scheme</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/apple-fans-queue-overnight-for-tax-avoidance-scheme-2013052169534</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 May 2013 09:11:18 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[APPLE'S diehard fans are queuing outside the company's stores eager to snap-up the latest beautifully designed way of avoiding tax.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Petrol prices &#8216;not caused by haunted pumps&#8217;</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/petrol-prices-not-caused-by-haunted-pumps-2013051568830</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 09:22:30 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[THE high cost of petrol may not be caused by poltergeists, it has emerged.]]></description>
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		<title>BT woos Sky customers with free crisps</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/bt-woos-sky-customers-with-free-crisps-2013051068263</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 10 May 2013 09:41:24 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[BROADBAND supplier BT is offering free &#8216;grab bags&#8217; of crisps in a move designed to woo Sky customers. A spokesman said: &#8220;We&#8217;re usually marketing to nice middle-class students and their mothers, so this is a departure for us. &#8220;But our data shows that Sky people love vulgar things. &#8220;We&#8217;re also doing a free ornamental plate [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Waitrose top for organic vegetables, customer service and milfs</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/waitrose-top-for-organic-vegetables-customer-service-and-milfs-2013043067123</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 Apr 2013 07:53:58 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WAITROSE is the best supermarket for fresh produce and highly attractive middle-aged women, it has been claimed.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Weak GDP figures suggest something really bad may have happened a few years ago</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/weak-gdp-figures-suggest-something-really-bad-may-have-happened-a-few-years-ago-2013042566725</link>
		<pubDate>Thu, 25 Apr 2013 10:38:37 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[THE latest set of GDP figures indicate the UK economy may have suffered some sort of cataclysmic event about five years ago.]]></description>
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		<title>Workers to be tested for traces of a soul</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/workers-to-be-tested-for-traces-of-a-soul-2013042466487</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Apr 2013 07:57:30 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=66487</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[NEW technology will allow companies to check whether workers have traces of humanity in their system.]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Capitalist drinks companies thank socialists for all the money</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/capitalist-drinks-companies-thank-socialists-for-all-the-money-2013040965210</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Apr 2013 08:52:57 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[MULTI-NATIONAL drinks companies have thanked Britain&#8217;s socialists for delivering another wonderfully profitable day. As pub, supermarket and off-licence tills rang long into the night, the alcohol manufacturers said that although Margaret Thatcher was dead, large, profit-hungry corporations definitely weren&#8217;t. A spokesman for the British Alcohol Association said: &#8220;If this is what they do when an [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Ryanair to drug everyone for a tenner</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/ryanair-to-drug-everyone-for-a-tenner-2013040864998</link>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Apr 2013 09:20:14 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[RYANAIR will drug you and your children to help you cope with the awfulness of it all. For £10 the budget airline will give you a potent tranquiliser and for an extra £5 you get a small cup of water to wash it down. A spokesman said: &#8220;You&#8217;ll still be able to buy things from [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Apple HQ &#8216;is giant ouija board&#8217;</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/apple-doughnut-is-giant-ouija-board-2013040564832</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Apr 2013 09:12:16 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[THE Apple corporation's new HQ has been designed to channel messages from Steve Jobs.]]></description>
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		<title>Should anyone be allowed to work in the City?</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/should-anyone-be-allowed-to-work-in-the-city-2013040564806</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Apr 2013 08:47:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[A DAMNING report into former bank bosses has raised the question of whether anyone should be allowed to work in finance.]]></description>
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		<title>Tesco launches economy music range</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/tesco-launches-economy-music-range-2013032763966</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2013 08:35:26 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[BRITAIN'S leading supermarket is to manufacture a blandly efficient range of Tesco Value Music.]]></description>
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		<title>Tesco lays foundation for new level of hell</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/tesco-lays-foundation-for-new-level-of-hell-2013031462650</link>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:56:24 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[GIRAFFE restaurants attached to supermarkets promise a new era in soul-destruction, Tesco has claimed.<img title="More..." alt="" src="http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif" />]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>John Lewis bonus paid in garlic presses and glass paperweights</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/john-lewis-bonus-paid-in-garlic-presses-and-glass-paperweights-2013030862137</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Mar 2013 09:24:55 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[JOHN Lewis has announced that its 17% staff bonuses will be paid in the form of non-essential household accessories.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Sugar and Desmond to get a room</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/sugar-and-desmond-to-get-a-room-2013030461689</link>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Mar 2013 09:53:52 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=61689</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[ALAN Sugar and Richard Desmond are going to submit to the simmering sexual chemistry between them. A YouView spokesman said: &#8220;The tension in the office was getting ridiculous so we&#8217;ve booked them an afternoon at a nice hotel with sumptuous bedding. &#8220;Hopefully this will sort them out. They were constantly sparring in a flirtatious manner, [...]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Britain to continue cupping bankers&#8217; testicles</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/britain-to-continue-cupping-bankers-testicles-2013030161483</link>
		<pubDate>Fri, 01 Mar 2013 08:48:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[BRITAIN will oppose an EU  ban on gently warming the testicles of bankers.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>British Gas to hire 1,000 trainee bastards</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/british-gas-to-hire-1000-trainee-bastards-2013022761180</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Feb 2013 09:29:14 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=61180</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[BRITISH Gas will take on 1,000 young people over the next three years and teach them how to be unremitting bastards.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Mash Guide to Working From Home</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/the-mash-guide-to-working-from-home-2013022761144</link>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Feb 2013 08:37:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=61144</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[WORKING from home is great - it's almost like being free.]]></description>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Loans for incredibly expensive things now cheaper than ever</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/loans-for-incredibly-expensive-things-now-cheaper-than-ever-2013022160516</link>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 Feb 2013 09:39:44 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=60516</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[BORROWING hundreds of thousands of pounds has never been cheaper. Experts said that with mortgage rates at a record low, borrowing £200,000 over 25 years could now cost you as little as £120,000. Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: &#8220;Oh, this is a very good deal. So good, in fact, that thinking about it [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Royal Mail launches letter-burying service</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/royal-mail-launches-letter-burying-service-2013021960283</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 Feb 2013 09:52:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[THE Royal Mail is offering to bury the heap of marketing bullshit it would otherwise put through your letterbox.]]></description>
		</item>
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		<title>Milky Bars are actually Horsey Bars, says Nestle</title>
		<link>http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/milky-bars-are-actually-horsey-bars-says-nestle-2013021960286</link>
		<pubDate>Tue, 19 Feb 2013 09:48:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Business]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News Briefly Box]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[THE Milky Bar Kid should, in all honesty, be played by a horse, Nestle has admitted. The confectionary conglomerate said most of the milk that goes into its popular white chocolate bar is medium-quality horse milk. A spokesman said: &#8220;We just use the one horse. It&#8217;s quite a big one. I&#8217;m not sure we ever [...]]]></description>
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