GOVERNMENT TO APPOINT BULLSHIT TSAR

THE government is to appoint a powerful new 'czar' to regulate the bullshit professions, including homeopathy, acupuncture and estate agency.

If you look closely, you can almost see the bullshit seeping out of her ears

The department for enterprise said the regulator's remit will also cover public relations, marketing, advertising, finance and a wide range of diet-related bullshit.

Tom Logan, labour market analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "At the moment anyone can join a bullshit profession or set themselves up as a bullshitter.

"They simply rent an office, buy a bad suit and point at houses. Or they get a white coat and a chart of the human body, and then stick pins in your tongue, or claim they can cure cancer with some cheese, a teabag and a cucumber."

An enterprise department spokesman said: "While every profession is tainted with bullshit, we want to start by regulating those sectors that are founded on a solid core of pure bullshit.

"The bullshit tsar's first task will be to commission a firm of bullshitters to design a large building shaped like an upturned pram and then fill it with chancers who will spend the first year devising a series of slogans about bullshit."

He added: "Once we have picked a really good slogan the czar and his team will then draw up a series of bullshit qualifications that will mean absolutely fuck all."

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