Halifax downgraded over choir advert

RATINGS agency Fitch has cut Halifax’s credit score because it despises that advert where they all sing.

He be there. Oh yes.

Fitch have sliced the Lloyds-owned building society’s credit rating from A to JUSTDIENOW after viewing its recent television advert where footage of demographically-diverse Halifax staff singing I’ll Be There is intercut with spontaneous acts of human kindness.

A Fitch spokesman said: “The ad appears to suggest that Halifax is some sort of giant angel made of hugs, radiating invisible beams of pure, all-inclusive love that make people help each other.

“I wouldn’t even say it’s nauseating, because the vomiting is so immediate there’s no time to feel a sense of sickness.

“The very notion of a corporate money lender being ‘there’ for any reason other than to royally shaft you is so wrong it’d be hilarious if these fuckers weren’t probably funding this sliver of disingenuous evil with taxpayers’ money.

“And if you watch the advert closely, you’ll notice that one of the ‘little kindnesses’ shown is a kebab shop owner letting some people into his kebab shop, presumably to sell them some kebabs.

“It says a lot about the moral character of the advert makers that someone is portrayed as being exceptionally nice just because he isn’t actively fucking anyone over.”

He added: “Halifax’s previous televisual pile of coyote afterbirth, where staff repeat the phrase ‘Isa Isa Baby’, was also a factor in today’s decision.”

Former Halifax employee Tom Logan said: “There wasn’t actually a lot of rapping or spontaneous fun, in my experience.

“It was more about sitting in a chair, wishing I’d paid a bit more attention at school, listening to other men talk about where to buy slip-on shoes and shiny purple ties.”