Hamster Toy Contains Dangerous Levels Of Horse Vagina
THE makers of a popular hamster toy have reassured parents that their product does not contain excessive levels of horse labia.
They issued a statement in response to newspaper claims that Hammy the Hamster toys were found to contain more than four times the amount of female equine genitals deemed safe by the EU, as well as trace amounts of frog clitoris.
A spokesman for Hammy Toys said: "As parents ourselves, there is absolutely no way we would breach guidelines on horse genitals, or indeed any type of animal reproductive organs, no matter how small the risk.
"The only parts of Hammy which are vagina are his eyelids and the end segment of his tail – that's just 3% of the total toy and completely safe unless you suck it really really hard.
"The rest is a mix of minced trout, lead and a type of mould found just below the surface of Donacster."
Scientists believe that high levels of horse fanny in toys is a major cause of googly eyes, and can also contribute to a condition known as 'species confusion', where youngsters become excessively bothered by flies and refuse to eat anything except hay and Polo mints.
Parent Tom Logan said: "It's just another media scare. So what if the hamster's made of horse twat? If it keeps the little buggers quiet and doesn't break by Boxing Day, I couldn't care less if it's made of dead prostitutes."
He added: "When I was a kid we never used to worry about animal sex components in toys. I remember once my cousin borrowed my Big Trak and got pregnant with something that was half-otter after playing with it in the bath.
"We just got it scraped and moved on. My mum never even wrote a letter or anything."