I’VE TALKED MYSELF INTO TALKING US INTO A RECESSION, ADMITS ECONOMIST

A LEADING economist last night admitted he had talked himself into talking us all into a major global recession.

Rogoff is advising everyone to stuff a cat

Former IMF chief economist Kenneth Rogoff said the idiotic state of the world's stock markets meant he should steer clear of unfounded predictions, but warned that he just can't help himself.

He said: "The markets are on a knife edge and the best thing I could do right now is keep my mouth shut and let things calm down a bit. Well done Ken, that was really good. Nice and steady.

"And by the way, did you know a huge US bank is going to collapse in the next few weeks? Oh shit! Forget I said that! Bad Kenneth! Bad!

"But seriously, it's going to be enormous and devastating. You'll be eating your cat for Christmas dinner. For fuck's sake SOMEBODY STOP ME!"

Financial experts are already talking themselves into ignoring everything Rogoff says before changing their minds very suddenly at the last minute and descending into a frenzied panic.

Julian Cook, a senior analyst at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: "Traditionally, the simplest way to start a run on a bank within two weeks is to tell everyone there's going to be a run on a bank within two weeks."

He added: "Kenneth Rogoff may be an out-of-control, maniac economist, but I'll tell you what, he's never wrong."