Ikea shoppers are Nazis too, say experts
PEOPLE who buy things from Ikea are obviously Nazis, scientists confirmed last night.
As Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad’s Nazi past was revealed, researchers said it was all starting to make perfect and undeniable sense.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The brutal edges, the simple colour schemes and the relentless need to organise.
“All must be categorised and compartmentalised. That which does not fit in a special box must be discarded. But that which is discarded can be replaced cheaply.
“To the Nazis it was slave labour, to Ikea customers it is the Magasin dish drainer that is held together with staples.”
He added: “Each spoon must have its own ‘living space’. If you put a soup spoon in a teaspoon compartment it will not fit. And if you put a teaspoon in a soup spoon compartment it will rattle about and then the anarchists will hang you from a lamp-post.”
Ikea shopper Emma Bradford said: “It is all just so simple and easy. I don’t have to think. And everything is so well designed. Like a Volkswagen Beetle, or a long, straight motorway.”
Professor Brubaker said: “Take the ‘Komplement,’ a ‘small storage item’ which contains nine compartments, each designed to hold a separate pair of underpants. That is fascism.
“Meanwhile, the rest of us stand back and let this happen, thinking ‘they will never come for my underpants’.
“But most worrying of all, like the ordinary Germans who pleaded ignorance at the fate of their Jewish neighbours, millions of Ikea shoppers are happy to pretend they don’t really know what’s in those hotdogs.”