the dailymash

Thousands of consumers have complained that they are unable to get through to the freephone numbers on their policy without being asked to place an order.

Denis Fynch-Hatton, from Cheltenham, said: "I tried phoning Legal and General on several occasions and each time I was greeted by someone doing a very poor Chinese accent screaming 'he no here! he no here!'.

"Eventually I did get through to someone who spoke English and was able to order prawn toast, vegetable spring rolls and kung-po chicken - and guess what? It never arrived."

A spokesman for the Association of British Insurers said: "We're very busy just now. Why not buy a can of Fanta and read a three year-old copy of Marie Claire?"

The Daily Mash attempted to contact some of the UK's top insurers yesterday:

• Direct Line - A recorded message claiming to be the 'Hunan Palace', opening hours, 6pm - 1am

• Prudential - Refused to discuss warped floorboards and ruined furniture and demanded to know if our name was on the buzzer

• Norwich Union - Had never heard of Norwich. Told we were outside the free-delivery area

• Endsleigh - No chicken, only pork. Free prawn crackers after 45 minutes

• Liverpool Victoria - 'WHAT NUMBER? WHAT NUMBER?'