Lecter hired PR firm to smear the shark from 'Jaws'

13-05-11

HANNIBAL Lecter used a public relations firm to mount a smear campaign against his chief rival in flesh-eating villainy, it has emerged.

He's going to need a bigger PR firm

The cannibal psychiatrist hired Burson-Marsteller to plant a series of negative stories in the press about the great white shark from Jaws and how it likes to steal its victim’s personal details before biting them in half.

But the tactic was exposed when a leading shark expert published an email from the PR firm asking for dirt on the 17 foot-long man eater.

Dr Matt Hopper said: “They wanted me to say that the shark was making a woman suit out of human skin.

“When I explained that sharks are not generally transsexual they then asked me if I would at least say that the shark had displayed a ‘cavalier attitude’ to personal privacy.

“Although eating someone could be described as an invasion of their personal space, I did not want to bring sharkology into disrepute and therefore declined.”

The smear campaign is the latest episode in the intense rivalry between the two as they seek to outdo each other in their insatiable desire for human flesh.

Lecter said last night: “Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask – what is it in itself? What is its nature?

“The shark covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? We begin by coveting what we see every day. Passwords, email accounts, pin numbers and secret porn folders marked ‘boring money stuff’.”

But the shark insisted: “This is bullshit. I ate five people and a labrador. He eats 27 people – with wine – but somehow I’m the fucking bad guy?

“Stick it up your arse.”

 

 

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