'Limited edition' products guaranteed to attract twats

24-11-17

ANYTHING ‘limited edition’, whether a sports car or a Snickers, attracts the high-spending twat demographic like moths to a flame, marketers have confirmed.

The label, which in theory could be applied to any product whatsoever, lost any actual significance decades ago but continues as a highly effective marketing tool for irredeemable bell-ends.

Marketing scientist Carolyn Ryan said: “What manufacturers of limited edition products do is add a touch of complete bollocks to anything which is otherwise mass-produced.

“Snakeskin, sparkly crystals, platinum, a small transfer of Mario; whatever it takes to makes it desirable in the eyes of real dicks.

“Then we put them on the market, make them especially expensive and hard to get, and it triggers a kind of knobhead frenzy as they all fight to get something other people haven’t got, no matter how shit it is.

“It doesn’t matter what the actual product is. You could make a limited edition Gucci Star Wars shit shovel and they’d be queuing up outside the shop from 6am to buy one then flip it on eBay.”

Ryan added: “Unfortunately you can’t limit the edition of the twats buying this stuff. Sadly they will breed.”

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