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| MANDELSON SELLS COUNTRY TO CHINESE GANGSTERS |
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| 10-08-09 | |
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LORD Mandelson has sold Britain to some Chinese gangsters in exchange for a fabulous London townhouse, it emerged last night.  Lord Mandelson said this will look really good in his new kitchen Lord Mandelson spent last weekend at a luxury villa in Corfu considering bids for the country from a carefully selected shortlist of billionaires and international criminal masterminds. The final round of bidding was between Mr Che and media tycoon Rupert Murdoch, who could only offer a penthouse apartment in Docklands and refused to throw-in a free, online subscription to the News of the World. Lord Mandelson said: "Mr Che is a forward-thinking gangster with some exciting plans for Great Britain. More importantly he's also promised to get me one of those magnificent five-storey jobs in Eaton Square. "The public rooms on the ground floor will be a showcase for Britain's leather industry, while each of the nine bedrooms will be decorated on the theme of 'people whose careers I've destroyed'." He added: "It's so nice to finally have a house that has been bought for me in a manner which is all completely above board." The secretary of state said the Queen would be kept on as Mr Che likes a woman who knows her way round a horse, and insisted that being owned by the Chinese would help to keep the Duke of Edinburgh's mind active 'in his twilight years'. Lord Mandelson said: "Mr Che has very kindly agreed to appoint me as his chief executive and I think we can all look forward to an exciting, modern future of opium-based sex trafficking and keeping our mouths shut unless we actually want to have our drinks poisoned." A spokesman for Mr Che said: "You work fast now! Chop-chop, busy-busy or you no get antidote!" |
